I had to start writing it, the first novel.
It’s strange. It isn’t what I – how to put this? – wanted, or would have wanted, or expected, but it’s started, it isn’t nothing, and that is enough now for me. I intend to finish it and publish it.
Of course (I suppose) I’ll edit it. This seems to me unimportant now.
The point is, I’m beginning my novel.
I’m thinking of something Gaber says in this book I got recently.
He says something along the lines of:
If you would know yourself, and really, write a novel, or paint a picture, create an album. Take up the work, and see it through, difficulties and all, imperfections and all. Carry it all the way to the end.
It won’t be perfect. It won’t be what you thought it would be, what you wanted or expected: it’ll be something else. But you’ll only know what it is after you’ve done it.
That’s what I mean.
*
Bisognerebbe mettersi lì
a fare qualcosa,
scrivere una canzone,
un libro,
dipingere un quadro,
e solo dopo
chiedersi:
« Come sono?»,
non prima.
Magari vien fuori
che sei fascista.
Peccato,
però almeno
lo sai.
Altrimenti
non sai in fondo
chi sei
e non ti puoi cambiare.
E poi
c’è il momento
della verifica. [Giorgo Gaber]
*
[It would be necessary to put yourself there
where you can do something,
write a song,
a book,
paint a picture,
and only after
to ask yourself:
“What am I?”,
not before.
Perhaps you find out
that you’re a fascist.
A shame,
but at least
you know.
Otherwise
you don’t know at bottom
who you are
and you can’t change.
And then
there’s the moment
that confirms.]
*
You have to make your life exciting,
even if it’s not,
especially if it’s not,
if only in yourself,
as you imagine it.
*
How succesful are you
in imagining your life,
in giving it fullness,
in feeling it full?
*
Quand on écrit
on fait ce qu’on peut,
n’est-ce pas.
On ne sait les choses
qu’après.
On ne sait tout
qu’après.
On ne sait rien
pendant.
On ne sait rien. [Brel]
*
[When you write
you do what you can,
isn’t it.
You don’t what it is
till after.
You don’t know everything
till after.
You know nothing
during.
You know nothing.]
Gray Haskins 